Tell your kids that if they want to have any entertainment they have to make friends with other kids whose parents will take them out, pay for them, pick them up etc . The reasoning is that the kid is already so spoilt that the parent couldn’t possibly do any more them. Spoilt meaning they feed their kid, give them a safe place to live, let them go to school…
This is very very funny stuff. However, I think I’ll come here to get tips on how to parent, rather than tips on how not-to parent. I’ll turn my girls into messy slobs no matter how hard my wife tries to be a good influence, by damn!
I just happened upon your webite and nearly choked on my half-eaten pizza while laughing! Thanks for my near death experience! It put everything in perspective (watching my life flash before my eyes) and for once, I just might not cry myself to sleep tonight over the youth that my children stole from me. Maybe I can turn it all around now and start living my life for ME! I am gonna “befriend” the dust-bunny bogeyman under my daughter’s bed…I am so sick of polly pocket droppings everywhere!!! Oh yes, mama is in the driver’s seat now…
I can’t even get through a paragraph without coffee snorting through my nose at all your posts. How do you come up with these so fast?? And how do you cure blog block? I got it bad!!
Create a Psychopath! Teach Your Children How to Shoplift!
In between states of being sober and drunk, teach your young children how to shoplift at large department and chain stores. Then require them to steal items you desire such as motor oil, electronics, aspirin, shower curtains, and anything they want from the food section – as you have nothing at home in the cabinets to eat.
Be sure to punish them if they don’t steal everything on the list, or especially if they come home crying about any of it. At this point you could threaten them with guns and verbal reprimands. If they happen to be caught by store security or taken down to the police station, just comfort them when they get home – give ‘em some icecream.
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
I got a cramp from laughing so hard
When I found your blog via Twitter, it made me think of this website:
http://mymomknowsbest.com/
The company must be owned by a first-time mom who has followed your rule about germs.
Funniest website ever!
You are hitting the mark! Thanks for making me laugh. Deb
Hey,
Love the site. It was sent to me from a childhood friend of the author, Sue R. She sent it to me when I sent her my new site http://www.MyCrappyParents.com. I’m putting a link to this site on my site. Hope http://www.reallybadparentingadvice.com returns the favor ; )
–Perry
Great website. Haha. My parents did many of these “bad parenting” advices to me. And I think they suck.
I have a few bad parenting tips.
Tell your kids that if they want to have any entertainment they have to make friends with other kids whose parents will take them out, pay for them, pick them up etc . The reasoning is that the kid is already so spoilt that the parent couldn’t possibly do any more them. Spoilt meaning they feed their kid, give them a safe place to live, let them go to school…
This is very very funny stuff. However, I think I’ll come here to get tips on how to parent, rather than tips on how not-to parent. I’ll turn my girls into messy slobs no matter how hard my wife tries to be a good influence, by damn!
Did you leave the “r” out of “perfect” in your blog subtitle for a reason? If so, love it
@Cat: Uh, yes…definitely. Of course!
Hello,
I just happened upon your webite and nearly choked on my half-eaten pizza while laughing! Thanks for my near death experience! It put everything in perspective (watching my life flash before my eyes) and for once, I just might not cry myself to sleep tonight over the youth that my children stole from me. Maybe I can turn it all around now and start living my life for ME! I am gonna “befriend” the dust-bunny bogeyman under my daughter’s bed…I am so sick of polly pocket droppings everywhere!!! Oh yes, mama is in the driver’s seat now…
I can’t even get through a paragraph without coffee snorting through my nose at all your posts. How do you come up with these so fast?? And how do you cure blog block? I got it bad!!
Found you on Third Tribe…I’m a child psychologist and just love your stuff! We all take parenting way too seriously
.
Hi Sharon,
Give me a call sometime,let me know what was so funny you got a cramp from laughing?
Create a Psychopath! Teach Your Children How to Shoplift!
In between states of being sober and drunk, teach your young children how to shoplift at large department and chain stores. Then require them to steal items you desire such as motor oil, electronics, aspirin, shower curtains, and anything they want from the food section – as you have nothing at home in the cabinets to eat.
Be sure to punish them if they don’t steal everything on the list, or especially if they come home crying about any of it. At this point you could threaten them with guns and verbal reprimands. If they happen to be caught by store security or taken down to the police station, just comfort them when they get home – give ‘em some icecream.
I love your website it makes being wrong seem right!!!
LOL!! Awesome blog!
Here are a couple of things my parents did that worked wonders.
Worried about your kids and drugs? Teach them how to do and sell them properly.
Also…Isolate your kids completely in order to avoid ‘the world’ turning them against you.