Because good parenting advice is boooring.
Well, they staged an ugly coup in your child’s colon, broke down the doors to the anal palace, and came screaming into the previously tranquil kingdom of the neighborhood pool’s 2 feet area.
The resulting spasm of fetid floatsam cleared the pool witin seconds, leaving Jamie both ashamed and embarrassed.
Of course, you always want to shield your child from shame, especially when it’s just as easy to blame someone else. [Read more...]
I'll always be there to hold your hair back as you puke after I spin ya on the Tilt-a-Whirl if ya know what I mean.
There are a number of reasons for this, not the least of which is you do not trust people from other states, much less people from Europe or “Europeans” as many are called by people who try to be all superior.
While you recognize that travel was an important part of your social development, especially the summer you smuggled cod and dope across the Canadian border in a Pinto, you do not have the funds to allow your child to experience “culture.”
What you do have, however, is the carnival in town. [Read more...]
It's simple, Timmy. You urinate on the toilet seat, God urinates on the world. And it's your fault.
Everyone is so convinced that earthquakes, wildfires, hurricanes and lousy liposuction jobs are acts of god…or maybe Rupert Murdoch.
God and Murdoch are great candidates, but they don’t necessarily help you instill a lack of confidence, coupled with a dose of paranoia, in your child. You want your son and daughter to feel the weight of the world coming down on them for misguided actions? [Read more...]
Rule #96: Allow Your Child to Touch Everything
Rule #95: Encourage Your Kids to Take Rides from Strangers
Rule #94: Give Your Child a Spray-On Summer Tan
Rule #93: Form a Rock Band With Your Teenager
Rule #92: Teach Your Kid How to Hitchhike
Rule #91: Rent an Old Geezer for the Holidays
Rule #90: Make Your Kids Share Their Birthday
Rule #89: Run Your Child’s Political Campaign at School
Rule #88: Nothing Is More Important Than High School Homecoming
Rule #87: Don’t Bother Photographing Your Kids
Talk.