Comments on: Rule #37: Don’t Let Anyone Touch Your Baby

By: kitty

kitty — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 11:34:32 +0000

I’m starting to think leashes aren’t such a bad idea. That way I can drag/ I mean walk the kid and carry my booze and smokes safely. Even better, get a mini popemobile (read shoebox on wheels) to keep it safe so no one touches it accidentally. That way I can tow it on a leash… oooh and I’ll have a handy holder when I’m sick of carrying the booze

By: lmao@ediescomment

lmao@ediescomment — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 18:10:52 +0000

both of them

By: edie

edie — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 00:42:12 +0000

i used to keep my cigarettes in my baby’s diaper. until she shit on them. naturally, i made her hand-wash every single one of them so i could still smoke ‘em. now she knows to hold it until we get home.

By: mamajama

mamajama — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 19:41:45 +0000

OMG! edie, what on earth is WRONG with you? You do NOT under ANY circumstances juggle your 40s! They can break! Put the slims in the kids diaper and leave them at the counter! Honestly, some people…

By: Dory

Dory — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 21:25:00 +0000

You must have met my sister-in-law. Only she’s worse.

By: jason

jason — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 22:35:21 +0000

if you really think about it, the “disguising your baby as a painful growth” really isn’t stretching reality too far. they’re like a detachable growth as it is.

By: Father Knows Worst

Father Knows Worst — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 22:33:00 +0000

@edie: Well, they are technically looking for your money, and since you can sell babies at a hefty mark-up, you’re basically giving them the same thing, with a little work involved. But hey, everyone’s gotta earn their money somehow. That’s what you meant…right?

@rachel: Seriously. And people STILL go crazy for them. Last time I drooled in public, cried when I didn’t get my way and mumbled some garbled phrases I ended up spending a night in jail. Babies do the same thing and people give them saving’s bonds. Bullshit.

@Andrew: By then they’re already fairly soiled, so I wouldn’t be too worried about touching them with your hands. Just don’t pick your nose as much.

By: Andrew

Andrew — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 23:13:12 +0000

The only babies I handle are the ones at work. I’m a garbage man.

By: rachel

rachel — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 21:39:08 +0000

babies are stupid

By: edie

edie — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 21:31:32 +0000

wait, so are you saying i shouldn’t hand my baby off to those very nice men hanging out in front of 7-Eleven every time i go in?? it’s just so hard to juggle 2 forties, a carton of VA slims and a squirmy, big-headed baby.