Rule #44: Become Your Kid’s Facebook Friend

It's just like listening in to their phone calls, without the heavy breathing.

All kids, especially teenagers, need emotional security, and nothing gives them greater stability than having a parent as a Facebook friend.

You’ve probably heard that teenagers would rather wear braces and headgear until they’re 40 than have parents tromp around their social turf. That’s complete bullshit.

These protests are cries for attention.

Your teenager may throw his body in front of his computer screen each time you walk by, but really, underneath it all, he wants you there. And nothing will elate him quite like adding you adding him as a friend on Facebook.

The Water Is Warm, Jump in!

Some parents might be a little shy about checking out their teenager’s Facebook profile. The Internet is an intimidating place, but that shouldn’t stop you from trying to create a profile right now, with these handy tips:

Learn the lingo.

After you master the terms you’ll blend right in. For instance, you’ll earn instant credibility amongst your child and his friends when you “Poke” your child’s crush. No one will think it’s awkward. At all.

Interact with others.

Your kid will love reading the innuendo-laden postings you write on your hubby's wall. If they are masochistic.

Does your kid have to put on prescription acne medication before he goes to bed? Nothing will bring you closer to your child than announcing this on Facebook.

It’s simple. Just update your Status message with something like: “Johnny’s zit medicine makes him look like the guy from Powder.”

Hilarity will ensue–not mortification, and your child will appreciate all the attention you’ve helped him receive from his circle of friends.

Share family photos.

Your child may be at the awkward age where, well, he looks awkward in every photo you take of him. This may be why the only photo he has on his profile is “artistic” and “obscured” and only shows his face at a strange angle.

(In the world of social networks, these actions are code for “I’m terribly awkward looking” or “I’m really fat, but this was the single greatest photo of me ever taken.”)

Don’t let this lack of expression from your child stop you from posting every single photo you have of him (from bathtub to braces). Your child will think it’s cool that you’re proud of the photos and will probably even give you a shout out in the comments section.

Expand your network.

It may be true that when you and your child are in public, he ignores you like the village drunk, but the rules are vastly different on Facebook.

Your child’s friends will think you’re hip and accept you as one of their own. And if you’re lucky, they’ll even invite you next time they drink underage.

But with great power comes great responsibility, so be careful. Being more popular than your child on Facebook can crush a child’s self-esteem. So if your friend count dwarfs your child, don’t feel like you have to gloat about it.

But if you do, make sure you let everyone know by updating your Status with “Johnny is an effing loser. 48 friends, really?”

Tagged as: being cool again, embarrassing your child, facebook is for old farts too, friend your kid on facebook, living vicariously through children